Controlling parents demand 20-year-old daughter give them the inheritance her grandmother left her, seeks advice: ‘I want to make my grandmother happy and fulfill her wish’

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 15, 2024 1:00 PM EST

When it comes to inheritances, it's bittersweet. On one hand, you're coming into a large sum of money which is great. On the other hand, you had to say goodbye to a loved one, and no money could cure your broken heart. Then, there is the dreaded third thing that some don't initially think about: toxic people in your life coming out of the shadows demanding money from you. It's unfortunate that often times, those dread people are usually your own family members…

Take, for instance, this woman who just got an inheritance from her grandmother. She was heartbroken to have to say goodbye, especially since she never got along with her toxic family members and her grandmother was the only one she felt emotionally supported by. She didn't even know she was left an inheritance until her mother told her days later. Almost like they were trying to figure out how to keep the money for themselves… They told her that her estranged grandfather that divorced her grandmother many years ago is entitled to the money. She's not buying it, though. She asks Reddit for advice!

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    Cheezburger Image 10428678656
    via Unsplash+ (and Jeremy Wong)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    My parents want me to give my inheritance away Hello, I am in desperate need of advice! I live in another state but this is being handled in Texas. Me and my family have always had a very rocky relationship. My grandmother was one of the few family members I had a close personal relationship with. I grew up with parents who were neglectful at best and emotionally ab ive at their worst. My grandmother was my constant support system and my cheerleader in everything that I did.
    via Own_Shower_8321
  • 03
    When I was 16 her and my grandfather got divorced and things turned hostile quickly. My parents decided to side. with my grandfather during the divorce due to several personal factors that were not my grandmothers fault and ended up forcing me to cut contact with her for several years. When I moved away for college I reached back out to update her about my life and checked in regularly. My parents found out a year down the line and our relationship took a steep downturn. My
    via Own_Shower_8321
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    mom would not respond to any calls or texts for 3 months. My dad would only respond if I had an emergency. Despite this I continued to keep in contact with my grandma and did the best I could to call off of friends phones to keep my parents out of my privacy as much as possible. This summer my mom suddenly decided to fly to my home state and she lied to me about why she was going. Several days later I receive a call from her letting me know that my grandmother has terminal cancer and not very mu
    via Own_Shower_8321
  • 05
    course of the next 3 months I begged my parents to fly me home and let me see her. Finally towards the last few days I got to go in and hug her and tell her I loved her. When she passed my mom handled all of her estate and death arrangements. It has been a few months since she has passed and I got. a phone call from my dad several days ago letting me know that I was the benificiary to her IRA account. I am 20 years old and currently supported by my parents while I attend college for some referen
    via Own_Shower_8321
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    account. However, my parents are claiming that he was awarded the money in their divorce and expect me to fully withdraw the money in cash and transfer it to him. After finding out that I had been left something, I spent days researching and trying to figure out how to get the money transferred. I am still actively working on this however it is proving to be very difficult. I spoke with my mom on the phone today and it seemed as though she knew I wasn't in complete agreeance with the plan despit
    via Own_Shower_8321
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    gave me an ultimatum of giving away the money or losing them and their support. I have been told a wide variety of numbers as to what is in the account but I will not be able to know the exact amount until I am able to receive some of the necessary documents. I'm fearful as I'm currently in school and am not in a place to fully financially support myself but, I want to make my grandmother happy and fulfil her wish. I'm also afraid that wish might not have been fully thought through and I'm worri
    via Own_Shower_8321
  • 08
    Dingbatdingbat the response to your parents should be along the lines of "I appreciate where you're coming from, but I won't sign something I don't understand. Please show me the divorce decree, so I can see for myself that the IRA was promised to him. Also, please tell me which IRA company it is, so that I can ask them. what the proper procedure is, and I'm going to need to talk to an accountant to understand the tax implications"
    via Dingbatdingbat
  • 09
    You should contact the IRA company directly, tell them grandma di d, and that you're the named beneficiary. They'll have a form you'll need to fill out, and a certified copy of the death certificate. After that you can make an informed decision, whether the IRA is worth losing. the financial support of your parents. Keep in mind that even if the divorce decree promises the IRA to grandpa, he still probably wouldn't have a legal claim. against it.
    via Dingbatdingbat
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    edit: also, make sure you talk to an accountant who can tell you the tax implications. Quite simply, if you accept the IRA and give the money to grandpa, you have to pay tax on the withdrawal, which can be quite expensive. The other option is to disclaim the IRA, and it'll go. into the estate - which will also have tax implications.
    via Dingbatdingbat
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    dbGeek Well, you know what's going on here. Your parents are trying to steal the money your grandmother intended for you. If in fact that money was supposed to be your grandfather's, it was his and his lawyer's responsibility to sort it out as part of the divorce. Resolving their divorce is not your responsibility, and while I'm not a lawyer I have a pretty decent sense of smell, and this smells like financial ab e.
    via dkbGeek
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    Many colleges and universities have a legal aid office to help students with basic advice so they don't have to hire a lawyer. This is a legal aid org in TX that caters to underserved populations... if you don't fit their definition of their clientele, they may be able to point you to other Texas organizations who can help.
    via dkbGeek
  • 13
    Agreeable_Wallaby711 Something you may want to think about is that your grandma may have left you this money specifically so you could gain independence from your toxic and ab ive parents. While your grandma may have still loved her child, it sounds like she was smart enough to know what kind of person they were. Your grandma absolutely loved you, and morally, ethically, and legally, you deserve this gift from her.
    via Agreeable_Wallaby711
  • 14
    I would call back Fidelity and make them aware that your mother is trying to gain control of this account without your consent. They should at least be able to put a note on the file. I would not put it past her to forge your signature if you refuse to do things her way. It will take some time for you to get the IRA anyway. Don't use your parent's address for this account. I 100% can see them opening your mail and trying to forge your signature to gain access to the account.
    via Agreeable_Wallaby711
  • 15
    Start documenting every time your parents try to force you to give away your money. This is attempted theft, and any evidence you have will be useful if it becomes actual theft. Contact the student affairs/help desk with your college and inquire about how you would sign up for FAFSA if you found yourself suddenly disowned and no longer a dependent of your parents. They should also have resources they can give you such as local food pantries, etc. Good luck, and my condolences for your grandma, i
    via Agreeable_Wallaby711
  • 16
    indie 50 Why would you be worried about hurting your grandfather? He wants to screw you over to take money from you that your grandmother left you as some kind of revenge on her. Or just general greediness. Though maybe that's just your parents who expect for them to inherit it after your grandfather passes. Maybe talk to him and see who's idea this really is. And maybe he knows the amount and will tell you. Though I'd not take his word for it if he's also trying to take it. Saying it's not much
    via indie50
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    It may be that your parents don't want you to see the actual amount in the account because it's enough to support you through school and you wouldn't be reliant on them so they wouldn't be able to manipulate you with money. None of which helps you legally and I can't help you with that part. I wish you the best of luck.
    via indie50
  • 18
    danh_ptown If you follow their direction, and cash out the IRA account, you will be hit with taxes on the withdrawals. Keep this in mind! So, don't give them everything....if you choose this path. Nobody has any rights to this money, other than you. First thing is to find where the account is held. Contact that institution, so that the account is locked down. You will then need to provide a copy of the death certificate to the institution. They will then transfer the assets into an Inherited IRA
    via danh_ptown
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    The next thing you will need to worry about is Required Minimum Distributions (RMDS) which means that there is a minimum amount that you must take from the account each year. In addition, you will have to liquidate the account completely within 10 years of her death. The institution should help you understand these rules. Any money you remove from this account will become income in that tax year, and you will pay taxes on it.
    via danh_ptown
  • 20
    Bing BongDing Dong222 This is a personal and moral question. and not a legal one. You're not legally required to hand over the funds from the IRA. But if your parents will cut you off, and the amount of their support is greater than the amount in the IRA, then, who knows. Note that withdrawals from a (non Roth) IRA are taxable income. So if you do withdraw the funds, make sure to hold back enough to pay taxes on them.
    via BigBongDingD*ng222
  • 21
    90daysfan Ask who the account is through and call that institution directly. They will provide you all information. You do not need to go through your parents for this. Then you will know how much money is in there. Sorry you are going through this. I also highly recommend that you demand a copy of the will or estate documents. Since you are a beneficiary, you have a right to see it. I wouldn't be surprised if your parents are hiding additional inheritance that may have been left for you.
    via 90daysfan

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